marge is marlene? marlene is marge?

it's funny how you become, and think about the character in a play... i've been thinking and reading about marlene non-stop these few days... i also see how heath ledger and michelle williams; colin firth and jennifer ehle; nicole kidman and tom cruise etcetcetc. became couples after shooting a movie- because making yourself believe that you have feelings for another CHARACTER turns into having feelings for the ACTOR in real life. not that i have feelings for ms wong or anything, but it's really bloody hard working up all this shit inside of you for that 3 hours or so of rehearsal... i mean, i think michael bulbe and men in general are in fact quite a lovely invention but what is one supposed to do when one is given a lesbian role to play... when one is not a lesbian?? that's the magic of acting, i guess- a whole bunch of gullable people convincing themselves that they are their character for a few hours every night, in rehearsal and on show.

more about marlene-- like marlene, i think i perform better in pain. like in cricket today, i bowled a so-so first spell of four overs... then first i sat on the cricket ball with my hip trying to stop it at point; afterwards i tried to catch two rather quick ball flying towards me at backward square leg, the first one hit me plum on my bicep, the other on the meaty part of the hand... golly gosh... it BLOODY HURT! but the thing is, i bowled better in my second and third spells--- in pain--- and in the cold--- than in my first. we lost by a lot, though... but at least the younger girls weren't sulking over it. i took 5/44 from 10 overs, but it was too little, too late (the last 2 wickets [including the opposition's captain] came in the last over of their innings) wasn't enough to keep the score under 200... argh... the girls are so young they are not quite psychologically ready to play against adults. we'll bounce back next season!

i've become marlene!
and yeah, from all this reading, i think fassbinder is really quite a weird control freak type person...